Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
