the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
