Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
