I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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