Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize