Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize