Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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