I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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