My friends, they love my intelligence
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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