Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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