she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
