Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
