I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
