Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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