I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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