i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
