My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
