just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
