Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
