You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
