i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
