i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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