Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
