We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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