you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
