you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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