My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
