Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
