Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The best revenge is premature balding
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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