I'm going to jail i love you
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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