We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
