one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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