He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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