You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
