I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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