At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
