I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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