I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
