Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
