Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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