We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just want to make out with him forever
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize