he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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