bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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