I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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