all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
