i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
