She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
