I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize