They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
