everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
