Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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