You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
