the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
