me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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