$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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