apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize