Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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