Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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