i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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