But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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