Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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