You're completely useless in the revolution.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
