was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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