So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pants are for mortals
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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