When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
