so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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