Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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