i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
