I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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