Who wears a wallet chain?!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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