Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sorry my hands just texted you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
