I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My ass is underappreciated
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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