I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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