recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
