am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
